Daisypath Anniversary tickers

Daisypath Anniversary tickers

Sunday, July 12, 2009

Walking in the Park

Well, if this (Taxol) is a walk in the park after the A/C, it must be Central Park at 3 AM on a weekend... 'cause I sure ain't having any fun, and I feel like I'm being mugged!

I did start to have a return of energy and was looking forward to what that would allow me to do without everything being a major project (like laundry -- it would be nice to be able to do two loads in one day. Like cleaning out my car. Hey, I'm not asking much!).

Then I got zapped by muscle aches. All over. Even my feet and ankles hurt, for crying out loud! Sitting and reading hurts. Knitting hurts. Walking really hurts. I got half way through the grocery store yesterday and had to fight back tears.

Still sleeping about 10-12 hours a night, but that's ok -- at least when I'm awake I can function without feeling like I'm moving through fog.

Chemo is my friend, but as I've said before and will continue to say, it sucks.

Meanwhile, I'm nervous about the results of my muga(heart)scan because I really, really need to be able to start Herceptin next week. Fairly important (critical) to prevent the cancer from returning and for my long-term prognosis. It won't take much damage to the heart muscle (from the A/C) to take Herceptin off my list for now, and that would be devastating. Keep your fingers crossed for me.

So, yeah, the fun continues.

The aches supposedly pass; the only question is when -- a day or two from now, or a month or so after the 12 weeks of Taxol is up, or sometime in between.

I want to be a strong spirit and fly through this but the truth is, it's more devastating on just about every level than I could have imagined, and it's hard, and it wears me down. The fatigue makes everything harder to deal with, from the obvious things, like pain, to the more subtle, like trying to maintain some emotional grounding. Most of the time I have my sense of humor and I know I've been lucky not to experience things worse than I have. And I'm so extremely, very grateful for those days when I wake up and feel some semblance of normalcy, where I can go to work and get up the stairs without feeling like I'm dragging a horse behind me, and still have energy leftover after work to enjoy the rest of the day. Those are the really good days! and I'm happy to have them. The rest, I remind myself, will pass... and I'll get on the other side of this.

Looks to be a beautiful day here. Think I'll pop some Tylenol and see if I can get a short walk in some where!

PM update:

Walk consisted of about 1/10th of a mile -- but I was around some flowers and took some pictures, so that was nice. The bottom of my feet hurt*, which I've learned is common, but it sure makes walking painful. If it doesn't go away soon I may have to see about something stronger than Tylenol although I've managed to avoid most scripts up to now, except for rare taking of atavan for nausea. Hate taking meds but don't like suffering, either.

*along with my back, legs, etc.

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