Fire of Our Hope: Yep, Crashing Early!

Saturday, May 30, 2009

Yep, Crashing Early!

4:30 PM
Nausea is rolling in on regular waves but fortunately very mild and very controllable -- usually a soda cracker calms my stomach down and I've only done one-half an ativan today. Foods that appeal don't go with stomach upset, which is weird (chicken, rice, ugh; Mexican, sounds yummy!). But I'm eating mild and bland to be on the safe side. One ativan tonight before bed for sure!

Wobblies/weakness hanging in there but I'm OK. Headaches gone -- hurrah! -- either a side effect of the cytoxin or maybe the ativan, although the cytoxin is the more likely culprit.

Vitals good.

Sorry for all the details most readers probably aren't interested in, but this is helping me keep a journal of my reactions for future reference. Skim or ignore as you need!

11:oo AM
Up, wobbly, weak, keeping nausea under control, still dealing with slight headaches. Able to sit/lie down and read or rest but moving around more than to go to the bathroom is tiring. At least I have enough energy between naps to read or sit at the computer for a few minutes. Might watch a DVD if I think I can stay awake that long :) Lovely day out, a bit cloudy but not to warm or humid.

6:00 AM
The steroids messed with me just enough to keep my sleep patterns off and wake me up at odd hours; in spite of getting in what seems like plenty of sleep at times, I'm not getting physical energy from the steroids, so I'm officially crashed. Way more tired than I've experienced this early the last two times, but of course the cumulative effects would cause that. A bit wobbly on the legs, too, but my vitals are all normal and as long as I rest I'm OK. I'm taking preemptive anti-nausea meds because I'm having frequent enough nudges from my stomach that I don't want to wait until I'm actually nauseous and having to hold things back or worse. Not into that much self-punishment! Other than that, I'm doing OK. Since I'm alone for a few days I have a couple of friends calling from time to time (thank you!) to make sure I haven't sprained my ankle again :) Not sure it's necessary but it is comforting. No one in the neighborhood would think anything of it if they didn't see me emerge for a day or two.

Happy wedding day, G&K!!!! I know you aren't reading this today of all days but my thoughts are with you anyway!

For me... back to bed!

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Treatment Outline

Last chemo: Sept. 23, 2009 -- Done!! WOO HOOOO!!!!!!

Surgery, Oct. 29, lumpectomy with removal of 17 lymph nodes. Biopsy results: all negative. WOO HOOOO! again! The surgeon said I was in a group (of women with my cancer type, stage, etc.) of only 10% that comes back totally clear and negative. Happy dance!

Radiation begain Dec. 7; I had daily (weekday) treatments for 38 treatments, with a few days off for holidays and when my mom died.

Herceptin continued until I had "minor heart impairment." I'm on a beta blocker and doing well.

I'm on an estrogen-blocking med for five years. Update, 2015: I've been put on it for an additional five years.

FAQ's

I seem to get some questions often, so I'm going to address a few of them here. I'll update from time to time, too. Unless you read otherwise in a post or email, these things hold true:

1. I'm still working and plan to do so throughout treatment. My oncologist, his staff, my boss, and I all see no reason I can't continue, although I may have to make schedule adjustments from time to time. I have bills to pay so I don't really have the option of quitting anyway.

2. Mom is holding her own. I have to put my own health first right now but I'm going to do everything I can to help her. And she's doing what she can to help herself and to help me as well. We're working as a team, even if it's a cancer-ridden, chemo-taking, sometimes bumbling one!

3. As I've shared with most of you, and I want to keep emphasizing, don't feel like you have to wait to hear from me. In fact, sometimes it helps when you take the initiative, because I may not always have the energy to do such a simple thing myself. Call or email any time -- you can't disturb me -- if I'm too tired or otherwise unavailable, my cell ringer is off; and I answer email as I can and know you understand if it's not always in a timely manner.

4. My last A/C treatment was June 17. Taxol has begun and in spite of what's normal, for me it's been harder than the A/C. Lots of immediate, significant side effects that need frequent adjustments to control. I had to drop one week of Taxol and am on reduced doses for the duration of treatments because of the severe neuropathy I'm getting. Herceptin began with the taxol and continues for a year; surgery sometime in the fall. Radiation, maybe.

5. I was told not to expect hair growth until after the Taxol is over, but I'm getting white (! my hair was only partly gray when this started!) and spikey regrowth right now (late August). It may or may not fall out as the Taxol continues, but whatever! It's been an amusing part of the journey for me to go bald, see funny regrowth, etc. I still don't expect any real hair length until next spring. Going bald has it's own freedom, and I love the feeling of wind on my scalp, but I can't say I feel like bald is "beautiful" in my case!

6. This isn't an FAQ, but as a reminder: I prefer you do not share this blog with others unless you ask me first. I probably won't mind your sharing, but I'd rather be asked first. I consider this a personal journey, and while it's no secret that I'm dealing with cancer, I prefer to chose who to share details with. Thank you for understanding.

7. For those asking about my photos, I mostly post them on my nature blog. However, some of the photos here aren't mine and I don't want to take credit for them. Ask if you're curious -- I haven't been taking the time to tag what's mine and what isn't. If it's really good, it probably isn't mine! :)

8. Details on my diagnosis: localized, no lymph nodes involved, HER2+, ER slightly+, PR- (those last three have to do with cancer receptors -- the positives mean more treatment options, so are a good thing in their own way), IDC, stage IIa, I'm probably forgetting a piece but most of this won't mean much to most anyway and those are the highlights.

9. I'm not afraid of the cancer. Not too thrilled about the side effects of the chemo, but I'm not afraid of the cancer! My prognosis is excellent; I have confidence that I will beat this and have an incredible circle of support: oncologist, staff, counselors, support groups, family, friends, even friends of friends... (listed in no particular order, as all of you are prime!)... thanks to all of you, I will get through this! Hugs to every one of you!

Fire of Our Hope

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